So yesterday, I faced a point, yes, just a point, but it was like I was about to deliberately place myself into a war zone, hell so to speak. I have had the tendency to prolong myself, prolong my process, by fearing facing myself, however, since this has been created, it must be recreated within different dimensions of this point, of fearing facing myself. So today I'll start on one point, which is the "not knowing what to do" personality.
When I have seen that I was having to push myself hard into doing something I really didn't want to do, or face, I allowed myself to self sabotage myself automatically within thinking that "I don't know what to do", which is really a reaction to the uncomfortable experience that I feel mentally, and physically, when stepping out of my comfort zone, and entering a state and opportunity of changing my existence as what I've accepted and allowed myself to become.
So the point that I was allowing to escalate, was the mental relationship that I had had with my partner, and what I had accepted and allowed as that entire relationship. So when I had seen there was much internal conflict within myself, I had went into this self sabotaging state of "not knowing what to do", simply because I accumulated the points within myself in relationship to her, and didn't allow myself before it got to an overwhelming state, to take a moment to look at where I was conflicted, and what I required letting go of, in order to change such relationship.
So these are points that will require being refaced, and so this will be a cool point to utilize, in order to recreate my ability in facing resistance, when it comes to certain relationships.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to self sabotage myself when facing a point, by telling myself "I don't know what to do".
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make this statement to myself, and exist as this statement, because I've accepted and allowed myself to make excuses, that because I don't "feel" like facing myself when it is a practical moment to do so, I rather wait until this point escalates, and to where I only verify the point of "not knowing what to do" through relating that point to how I feel, perceive things.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make the excuse to not direct myself within points, because of how I have faced them in the past, which is with my mind, instead of letting go of the idea that I can somehow fix those patterns with my mind, and breathing through the experience, and directing it with as much focus as possible, and also slowly stepping into what I require changing, through taking breaks, or going back to what is physically here, within stepping out of that's elf sabotaging experience/state of mind.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make the excuse that "I don't know hat to do", simply because of how the process of stepping into change is making me experience myself. Thus within this, when and as I see myself stepping into changing something, and start feeling this emotional experience, I stop, I breath, and I dissect the experience initially, within moving myself physically, and doing things that can walk myself out of the experience of "anxiety, irritation", and then on e stepped out of that point of conflict, reassessing what it is that I require facing, and then investigating, and recreating myself within the point.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think to myself "I don't know what to do" simply because I have accepted and allowed myself to limit my expression within facing myself, as basing my change off of "what I know" within and as how I've remained stable and confident within that knowledge pattern of who I am in relationship to myself, and therefor whatever that relates to my environment. Thus, when and as I see myself holding onto the patterns, experiences, within the knowledge point, I stop, I breath, and I slow down, and I walk through within the steps I've laid out within the previous commitment, but however understanding, that I cannot trust the previous patterns of myself, the limited knowledge, and that it must change, and I must recreate my acceptance and allowance of who I am, into something that is actually supportive, which meaning supportive for other people and myself, and not just what I THINK is supportive for me and others.
I commit myself to thus reface this point in relationship to agreements, and thus with also relationships with others who I experience conflict within myself which is really just a representation of resisting my acceptance and allowance to change, within the personality character of "I don't know what to do".
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