Day 4 - redefining aggression

So within this post, I'm going to redefine my relationship to the term "aggression", and will be seeing where I've limited myself from the ability to express myself freely and with enjoyment when I see aggression.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself within the idea that aggression is something to be feared, or something that is scary, or something that should make me feel uncomfortable.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel scary, uncomfortable, and afraid when around aggression, from the memory of my father being aggressive, and thus having related myself to my father in fear that when he is/was aggressive, it is something that I should for some reason react to, because aggression is "scary".

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to my father when he is aggressive, because I had the relationship to this aggression, as if something bad was going to happen, such as being punished, or something that he would express in which I would feel limited, or frustrated with, which thus seeing that that something bad happening, would be my inability to express myself, or my inability to stop my father from punishing me. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to therefor relate aggression to punishment, to where when I see aggression, I think that my self expression would be punished, or would be impeded because "there's simply nothing I can do, I'll inevitably be punished and there's nothing I can do or say about it".

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get a sense of anxiety when I see aggression, or separation, because I see it within myself, and that I have accepted and allowed this point of limitation - the fear of being punished, and thus within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make the excuse not to express myself freely and enjoyably, because of this in depth fear of being punished, within the idea that no matter what I do or say, my self expression will be punished.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to therefor have limited myself within this fear of aggression, to not take self responsibility, and to not express myself within living, because I have had this in depth idea that if I do, then I will somehow be punished, or will end up in suffering from expressing myself in living - response ability.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use blame when I see aggression from my father, or from K, or anyone, within seeing that point within myself that I have limited myself within the fear of being punished for expressing myself in self response-ability, and thus within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make the excuse to not push through limitations, because I fear that the people around me will be aggressive towards it.

I forgive myself or accepting and allowing myself to hold this projection towards the people around me, that my limitations are their fault, when seeing that this aggression is really something that is also within myself, because I've refused to give up this system of blame, aggression, and excuse to not take self responsibility for myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame others for my experiences and limitations, and therefor see this aggression as a scapegoat to feel like I'm more valuable within myself because "they're just aggressive, and I am only doing what's best, what he fuck are they limiting me". Within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself within this idea that others are limiting me, when not seeing and realizing that I simply see that I am in a situation and position of relationships that are inevitably limited within past manipulations, and thus within this, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see and realize, that I am equally responsible and liable for being aggressive, and abusive, and thus  within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define aggression, as this outside force, instead of seeing aggression as myself, and within and as my participation to the consequences of aggression within my environment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to thus hold others points against them, instead of working within myself, to see solutions within communicating better to support the people around me into what's best, and seeing that, clearly even though these individuals still are within their own minds, I've proven to myself that in certain areas, there is opportunity for better relationships, and better use of those relationships to see within myself, that I can work with these individuals, even if there are disorders within myself in relationship to them. Within this I see that I don't have to take their points personally, or take my reactions to them personally, but to practically work within myself, how I can better the situation in relationship to these individuals, through working within myself, and also taking self response ability within my own experiences, and also by doing physical work, like working for my work force, doing chores, and also having fun and enjoying myself within activities, such as my band/music for equality.

This will expand in part 2