day 18 - expecting my body to be aesthetic (ass-the-tic)

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to expect my body to be aesthetic (ass-the-tic).

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to expect my body to be aesthetic (ass-the-tic) because I want to appear as "sexy" to women.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to want to appear sexy to women, because I want to control women.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to want to control women with "being aesthetic", because I define "aesthetic" as strength, when not seeing and realizing that I am afraid to have principled strength, and there for compensate the lack of building best for all principles with building/destroying my body, to appear strong, and sexy. Within this I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not actually be willing to be principled for what's best for all.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to want to appear sexy or physically strong, when not seeing and realizing that I am not actually strong with merely having an aesthetic body, and only intend on abusing others, by creating this model appearance, that has nothing to do with who I really am, and the actual potential that I can recreate myself with, for what is best for all life, and not what is only best for my self interest.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to look in the mirror to see if my body is "aesthetic".

When and as I see myself looking in the mirror to see if my body is "aesthetic", I stop, and breath, and go write doqn, or speak one principle that I'm lacking, and then to speak self forgiveness for lacking that principle.

I commit myself to then always put the tip of my thumb, on the tip of my pointer finger, and always speak that one principle I'm lacking every time I want to go look at my body in the mirror.

day 17 - laughing at my bullshit, this bullshit system

I'm at the hospital because I was afraid I was going to die, or lose my identity, myself. HAHAHAHA.

Why the duck am I so worried about the points I have to face, when it's all a load of bullshit? Why am I so wrapped up in expressing myself a specific way just to please those who are so keen on keeping others trapped in an illusion of happiness and suppression.

Why do I worry so much about points that could easily be a point of facing myself in practical living, and really just doing what's automatic and see I g where I lack the responsibility by just simply taking care of it. HAHAHA.

Why am I so afraid of being called out, when it's practically a point I need to look at as see I g where I think all the Damon time to try and figure out what the problem is, nd trying to hold onto false identities to make myself feel better for women, when it makes no sense to just be here as a point of practical living and play and fun. Why do I make process this dreadful bullshit thing that I'm afraid of looking bad, when it's just resonant points that I'm facing, and have refused to take care of because I was simply afraid to look bad and stupid, Hashanah. Why do I care so much about what others thin km of me, when I'm simply seeing that it's merely just a point that I'm experiencing, and nothing else.

Why do I let authority figures dictate my self expression, when all of it is just points that I CAN SIMPLY TAKE CARE OF IN EACH MOMENT OF EXPRESSION.

Why do I let fear dictate my reality, when all I require doing is working and having fun without letting fear and authority figures make me this diminished person who can't face his own shot, because he allows points like humility to dictate me.

Why do I fear being looked at as stupid.

Why do I fear expressing myself practically to what is here
Why do I think that I'm this special person, and try to protect how I feel, when it has nothing to do with practically being here.

Duck this stupid bullshit system.

Duck trying to please everybody and look good or bad or the whole thing that has nothing to do with actually being here as breath and focusing on the practical point of living, and facing myself and s to piping fears.

I laugh at the system as what it is, and know that reprogramming is simply a system, and nothing else but something that is used to control and create this idea that I'm a "bad person" or "good person".

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear looking bad.

I forgive myself that I've accepted an den allowed myself to fear looking bad, when I simply can just take the necessary responsibility for what is here, without judging it, and just simply changing it to what is here.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear looking bad, and living with people who do nothing but create a point of seclusion. Not blaming them, but simply taking the initiative to get the duck out of these prison cells that I create for myself, and practically expressing myself as to what is here.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for what is here, and not practically just support myself in change by taking self responsibility.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not practically be here as a poi t of seeing what is best for myself, and working and playing o. That point to practically be here as what it is I need to do, and stop judging myself and blaming myself because of what I've accepted and allowed to convince myself that my expression is this "bad thing"

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not practically create myself as to what is best, and to focus on what it is I need and want to live a comfortable and happy life and to support others within that point.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to hold onto point instead of just moving and releasing them for what I need to do to face myself as to what is here. Stop using all of these excuses to not take self responsibility and just live for what is best, and. Hanging that intent over time

day 16 - allowing energy to move me.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to allow energy to move through me.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself, to go into mind backchat, and following the thoughts of positivity.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear the negative experiences, and therefor allow positive energy to move through me.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to go into fear of systems, when not seeing and realizing that those systems aren't really who I am, but merely what I've accepted and allowed myself to exist as in this reality of physical life.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to judge myself, and go into fear when I see that there's still systems in me, that I know are consequential to what is here.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself, to judge others as trying to attack me, and therefor go into points of defense, when not seeing and understanding, that those points of defense, are my own accepted and allowed mechanisms of war, and destruction.

I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself, to see and understand, that I require moving myself as self responsibility as much as possible, to impose a point of support for all living things, including myself, yet not lacking either or, and yet having to sacrifice some physical points for another that is the best physical action to take to support everyone.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to confuse myself with what's best, when not seeing and understanding that what is best, is that which isn't moved by energy, or any form of excuse. Within this, I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself, to see and understand that these points will require being utilized with time, which means that one point, and most points aren't going to be able to be taken care of in a single moment.

When and as I see myself moving energy within myself, I stop, and breath, and do not excuse any mechanism of war - positive or negative, and to make sure that I'm expressing myself in the full physical, whether it's confident or not, because real confidence is built over time, and means that I must be willing to be unconfident at times, and confident at others, until the point of physical confidence is proficient.

I commit myself to stand in every moment possible, and to be realistic with all of my points until I have them down as something consistent.

I commit myself to always use thoughts that consider everyone, until I process information at a realistic level, and so therefor moving myself according to the physical, but to use assessments, and there for self talking with myself as the thoughts, and applying the thoughts with what is here, and testing out what is best. (Not to allow thoughts, but talk to myself with physical force, along with moving myself in a way that is best for all, which therefor moving more than anything)

Day 15 - going into a rush - running away from self.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to go into a rush, as a way of "running away from myself".

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself, to go into this rush, out of trying to protect my Identity/ego.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself, to have gone into fear, when logging back into Facebook, because I became aware of the fact that my experience of myself on Facebook, has mostly been a point of trying to protect my identity.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself, to fear the environment I'm in, because I'm aware that much has been changing, and that I have held onto so many points for so long, that I haven't been willing to take care of them, and rather hide them to not face the main point of abuse and created chaos within my world/me.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to blame other people for my experiences, and start projecting myself towards them, to protect my identity.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to run away from my accepted and allowed identity, because I see the extensive abuse that I've created in my world, by trying to protect my ego.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to go into a rush, because of the fear that I'm going to be judged by the people in my world, and there for end up falling when someone tells me something that is a point of manipulation (which I've participated in), and blame them for my own accepted and allowed participation in the very point of manipulation that I've been willingly participating in for so long.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself, to believe that I need to use thoughts and experiences to be able to function.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself, to hold on to experiences, to justify my abusing and manipulating behaviors that I've used throughout my/this life.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself, to become paranoid that something bad is going to happen, when not seeing and realizing, that all of it is created in my mind.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself, to not see and realize, that the resonant points I put out, are what will be created and rippled throughout this reality. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself, to get caught up in the awareness of resonating systems, and have tried to protect myself in it ever since I've become aware of it.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself, to fear going into a rush experience, because I'm aware that I'm rushing out of fear of being exposed in my environment.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself, to not balance out being consistantly working at an effective pace, along with being aware of myself in every moment possible, to be able to impose what's best for all in each moment I'm alive.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not take it easy in the current position I'm in within my circumstances, along with how I'm currently experiencing myself, yet being consistently In breath, to work on being consistently self responsible (self forgiveness, self correction, and self application)

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself, to rush, because I expect everything to be done in one moment, in the fear of falling, and the unwillingness to fully apply myself consistently.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself, to fear having to be patient yet effective in this world, and to not go into this extreme state of emotional possession, which is a very dangerous point in instances of being around people, because of what I put out to them in such a point of anxiety and fear, to where it'll be imposed more and more, to the point where the people around me will move with my accepted and allowed state of anxiety, rush, and fear.

I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself, to focus on what's the biggest problems I have, that are limiting my self expression.

I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself, to test out commitments, to where I can experiment with what I do, as of seeing what's better as support, and what's the least effective way of support.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself, to not be here as breath, as working, resting, and playing, which are what I currently define as self responsibility, because all of these points need to be balanced out to support consistency as a way of being self responsible.

I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize, that I need to do self forgiveness, until I'm completely clear within myself, to ensure that I've physically released the point of fear, and to then apply myself to my responsibilities, to be stable and effective with everything I physically participate in.

I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself, to focus on physical tasks, and goals to assist myself with physical things that develop principles that I can apply to my process.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to be self jnterested.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to be self interested with my process, by only doing it to look good, and to feel a sensation of power, by using self forgiveness to portray a false point of responsibility.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself, to fear what will happen if I fully apply myself to self forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself, to protect myself from fully being exposed for the shit I have done to K,K,C,J.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to do self forgiveness as an emotional release, to feel better about myself, to suppress the reality I've created towards K,K,C,J.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself, to not be here, because I want to protect myself from facing the reality that I've created for K,K,C,J.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself, to protect the positive experiences, to prevent the full awareness, that I've created hell for K,K,C,J.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself, to not see and realize, that I require being as alone within my environment as I can, yet still practically communicating with the people in my environment, to ensure that I'm not allowing any loose ends that could turn into huge points of fear and resistance.

I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize, that I must utilize the tools I have, to work, where I make sure that I'm consistently stable, and facing myself in each moment, which is the only way I will give care to those who I've extensively abused, in the most fucked up ways that I haven't allowed myself to REALLY comprehend.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself, to blame others, when not seeing that I accept and allow myself to manipulate those who were totally destroyed by my unwillingness to give care and responsibility. Within This, I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to see that this system isn't going to support me to be self responsible, and that I must work with great effort to make sure that I'm consistently changing to impose a better environment for others, and comfortability for those who I have destroyed.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself, to have exploited myself towards others with SF,, to create an illusion that I'm this all mighty person, who knows how to control everything that fucking moves.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself, to fear facing myself, because I know that it takes allot of effort and dedication to do what's best for what's here, because I'm fucking scared of facing the reality that I've imposed to others, to a fucking extent of total cotastraphy, that I've burnt every aspect of people's lives, and have been perfectly comfortable with it.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself, to define my experiences as "bad", because I have created such difficult points to transend, which means I'm facing the consequence of not having taken the best responsibility I could give, in the moments I accepted and allowed energy and fear.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not focus on physical needs that others require to have.

When and as I see myself wanting to buy into a mental distraction, I stop, Breath, and I cross reference my dysfunctional behavior, and catch that moment to physically work and release the problem through self forgiveness, and continue speaking it until I'm stable, and then move back to physically working.

I see and realize, that I must "take it easy" currently with where I'm at in my process, until I can become consistently stable with fast paced tasks.

I commit myself to focus on physical responsibilities, that will assist me when I get lost in my mind.

I commit myself to work on principles that create onsideration for all life, and creates a point of cross referencing with, to create a change in my environment, to support others.

I commit myself to catch myself when participating in the mind, and to work on directing myself in those moments, to get back to here, as self responsibility and consistent change.

I commit myself to focus on physically pushing myself to take responsibility, and to give up all mind entertainment that impedes the process of change, and work, which imposes what's best for all in each moment, to where those who have been destroyed, will know that I have been the devil who has fucked with its creator, and has been the handler of total deception, and fear mongering.