Day 15 - going into a rush - running away from self.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to go into a rush, as a way of "running away from myself".

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself, to go into this rush, out of trying to protect my Identity/ego.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself, to have gone into fear, when logging back into Facebook, because I became aware of the fact that my experience of myself on Facebook, has mostly been a point of trying to protect my identity.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself, to fear the environment I'm in, because I'm aware that much has been changing, and that I have held onto so many points for so long, that I haven't been willing to take care of them, and rather hide them to not face the main point of abuse and created chaos within my world/me.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to blame other people for my experiences, and start projecting myself towards them, to protect my identity.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to run away from my accepted and allowed identity, because I see the extensive abuse that I've created in my world, by trying to protect my ego.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to go into a rush, because of the fear that I'm going to be judged by the people in my world, and there for end up falling when someone tells me something that is a point of manipulation (which I've participated in), and blame them for my own accepted and allowed participation in the very point of manipulation that I've been willingly participating in for so long.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself, to believe that I need to use thoughts and experiences to be able to function.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself, to hold on to experiences, to justify my abusing and manipulating behaviors that I've used throughout my/this life.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself, to become paranoid that something bad is going to happen, when not seeing and realizing, that all of it is created in my mind.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself, to not see and realize, that the resonant points I put out, are what will be created and rippled throughout this reality. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself, to get caught up in the awareness of resonating systems, and have tried to protect myself in it ever since I've become aware of it.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself, to fear going into a rush experience, because I'm aware that I'm rushing out of fear of being exposed in my environment.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself, to not balance out being consistantly working at an effective pace, along with being aware of myself in every moment possible, to be able to impose what's best for all in each moment I'm alive.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not take it easy in the current position I'm in within my circumstances, along with how I'm currently experiencing myself, yet being consistently In breath, to work on being consistently self responsible (self forgiveness, self correction, and self application)

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself, to rush, because I expect everything to be done in one moment, in the fear of falling, and the unwillingness to fully apply myself consistently.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself, to fear having to be patient yet effective in this world, and to not go into this extreme state of emotional possession, which is a very dangerous point in instances of being around people, because of what I put out to them in such a point of anxiety and fear, to where it'll be imposed more and more, to the point where the people around me will move with my accepted and allowed state of anxiety, rush, and fear.

I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself, to focus on what's the biggest problems I have, that are limiting my self expression.

I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself, to test out commitments, to where I can experiment with what I do, as of seeing what's better as support, and what's the least effective way of support.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself, to not be here as breath, as working, resting, and playing, which are what I currently define as self responsibility, because all of these points need to be balanced out to support consistency as a way of being self responsible.

I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize, that I need to do self forgiveness, until I'm completely clear within myself, to ensure that I've physically released the point of fear, and to then apply myself to my responsibilities, to be stable and effective with everything I physically participate in.

I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself, to focus on physical tasks, and goals to assist myself with physical things that develop principles that I can apply to my process.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to be self jnterested.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to be self interested with my process, by only doing it to look good, and to feel a sensation of power, by using self forgiveness to portray a false point of responsibility.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself, to fear what will happen if I fully apply myself to self forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself, to protect myself from fully being exposed for the shit I have done to K,K,C,J.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to do self forgiveness as an emotional release, to feel better about myself, to suppress the reality I've created towards K,K,C,J.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself, to not be here, because I want to protect myself from facing the reality that I've created for K,K,C,J.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself, to protect the positive experiences, to prevent the full awareness, that I've created hell for K,K,C,J.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself, to not see and realize, that I require being as alone within my environment as I can, yet still practically communicating with the people in my environment, to ensure that I'm not allowing any loose ends that could turn into huge points of fear and resistance.

I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize, that I must utilize the tools I have, to work, where I make sure that I'm consistently stable, and facing myself in each moment, which is the only way I will give care to those who I've extensively abused, in the most fucked up ways that I haven't allowed myself to REALLY comprehend.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself, to blame others, when not seeing that I accept and allow myself to manipulate those who were totally destroyed by my unwillingness to give care and responsibility. Within This, I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to see that this system isn't going to support me to be self responsible, and that I must work with great effort to make sure that I'm consistently changing to impose a better environment for others, and comfortability for those who I have destroyed.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself, to have exploited myself towards others with SF,, to create an illusion that I'm this all mighty person, who knows how to control everything that fucking moves.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself, to fear facing myself, because I know that it takes allot of effort and dedication to do what's best for what's here, because I'm fucking scared of facing the reality that I've imposed to others, to a fucking extent of total cotastraphy, that I've burnt every aspect of people's lives, and have been perfectly comfortable with it.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself, to define my experiences as "bad", because I have created such difficult points to transend, which means I'm facing the consequence of not having taken the best responsibility I could give, in the moments I accepted and allowed energy and fear.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not focus on physical needs that others require to have.

When and as I see myself wanting to buy into a mental distraction, I stop, Breath, and I cross reference my dysfunctional behavior, and catch that moment to physically work and release the problem through self forgiveness, and continue speaking it until I'm stable, and then move back to physically working.

I see and realize, that I must "take it easy" currently with where I'm at in my process, until I can become consistently stable with fast paced tasks.

I commit myself to focus on physical responsibilities, that will assist me when I get lost in my mind.

I commit myself to work on principles that create onsideration for all life, and creates a point of cross referencing with, to create a change in my environment, to support others.

I commit myself to catch myself when participating in the mind, and to work on directing myself in those moments, to get back to here, as self responsibility and consistent change.

I commit myself to focus on physically pushing myself to take responsibility, and to give up all mind entertainment that impedes the process of change, and work, which imposes what's best for all in each moment, to where those who have been destroyed, will know that I have been the devil who has fucked with its creator, and has been the handler of total deception, and fear mongering.