Day 28 - getting overwhelmed with self judgement (not looking/doing good) part 1

So currently, I'm experiencing a point of self judgement, where I feel the need to constantly keep judging myself, to where it's a snowball of stress that is spiraling, to where I expect compinsatin through positive affirmations. I then go into more self judgement, where I see that others aren't feeling sorry for me within my personal feelings of self judgement. I then go into excuses of "I won't be able to handle work, or being active, because here I am so damn stressed".

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to go into self judgement, after I heard people laughing at the tennis court, when I was running, and then I heard the laughter, and related the laughter to my running, to where I went into self judgement, from the memory relationship to having been laughed at for how I was running,a nd so went into backchat and this physical restriction as if I'm weak for how I run, and therefor went into self judgement, which lead into self pity.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to go into self pity, and want these loving/positive affirmations, because I've always resorted to wanting to be accepted by others, because it would make me feel better about myself, and then would go into the positive backchat, and feel better. Within this, I see and realize that this purely masks the point of the nagative reaction at being made fun of/looked at as a lesser/inferior expression compared to other people.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that this want for positive affirmations, is a point of abdicating self responsibility to taking care, and working/living physical expression, as an equal and one point, where I'm no better or worse at who aI am in each moment in breath as physical expression, yet can also reflect off of the laughter,a nd see that I'm purely trying to survive under the Patton of "who looks better than the other". Therefor, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to become overwhelmed because I fear that my image as being "good" isn't actually supportive as who I am, and this is merely an illusion that I'm trying to survive in to feel better about myself.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to feel overwhelmed, because I know that what I'm physicaly expressing is this separation, and therefor the more I feel seperated, the more I go into this heightened anxiety, and continuously judge myself based on how I'm experiencing myself in relationship to my environment, and females specifically.

I forgive myself that I've accted and allowed myself to fear looking bad in front of females, and therefor experience this frustration of "she's judging me and looks to me as weak, and because of this is going to take advantage of me". Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted a nd allowed myself to blame another female/other people for my personal experiences of myself, because I want to look good, and therefor I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to experience - the fact that I "don't look good" and then go into anxiety, frustration, and anger, when I feel that I'm not looking good to other people, even if in others perception I'm not looking good, or doing good at a sport, task, or an activity.

Part two will continue on the next day.

Day 27 - not allowing myself to take self responsibility

So there's a point within myself, that I recognize all the time, where I go int energetic experiences and I "don't know how to stop them". I usually try to think my way out of it, when not seeng or realizing, that it only lingers the point, and I become more submissive to the point/points I experience. Within all of this, it's simply a lack of discipline to take self responsibility with doing my writings of self forgiveness, and self corrective statements, and changing myself within each Patton that I have to deal with now.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not focus on working with my points through practicing/writings self forgiveness and self corrective statements, because I fear being here as physical, and have developed a pattern where I make excuses to not do my writings, and therefor imply that I am unable to take self responsibility through writing self forgiveness/Self corrective statements.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to have created this unwillingness to be here, and taking the necessary actions to go through process, by breathing and working through emotional experiences that I've accepted and allowed myself to create due to developing bad habits.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to limit myself to a certain extent of writing, and within this seeng that that certain extent, means that aim accepting and allowing movement as the mind, and thus comes the unwillingness to take self responsibility for myself, and for change.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to blame others for my experiences, when not seeing and realizing, that it's pure abdication to self responsibility, where I justify movement as the mind! and emotional attachments to self interest.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to predetermine what I'm going to do that lacks my full attention to self responsibility to what's here, rather than investigating the desteni material, as well as working with full effort with writing and self application, to take the necessary responsibility to change myself in principles of what's best for all life.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to be defiant towards life, by not taking the full responsibility required to change.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to make excuses through self judgement when aI realize that aim not taking full responsibility to change.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to create distractions in my environment, to abdicate self responsibility to what is here, and to not work through points of separation, that I've accepted and allowed over time. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to follow bad habits that excuse lack of self responsibility, within this I see and realize that I must start changing bad habits, into directive principles that impose a living example that supports all life.

When and as I see myself lacking responsibility, I stop, and breath, and then focus on work that is best for my environment, and to investigate where I lack responsibility, step by step.

I commit myself to start changing and actually walking process. Within this, I commit myself to change one bad habit this week that I've used to abdicate self responsibility - over eating and looking in the mirror.

I commit myself to stand for life, and assist and support myself with writing, reading blogs, watching blogs, and investigating desteni material.

Day 26 - my writtings

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to hold onto negative experiences, and define myself to that as valid.

I forgive myself hat I've accepted and allowed myself to limit myself to negative experiences, because I feel it will keep my idea of controlling other people to express themselves I a. Specific way for my liking.

Non non, I get my Ron, and play beyond. I get a point of stress with my beyond fond of the music that cries from the pond.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to believe that I'm controlling others.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to limit myself to believing that aI have to control others.

I forgive myself hat I've accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for every experience n lyrical sense.


The rest is hard to read, I'll make sure to write more clearly next time.

Day 25 - I don't know what I don't know

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to believe that I know everything.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to believe that feeling positive instead of physically aware and confident is the key to success, or is a way of making everything happening for me, instead of for everyone. Within this I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to not consider everyone in the picture of what's best for what is here within the context of every moment of breath that I'm here.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not take 100% self responsibility for what's here, and face myself through getting a job and understanding what points still exist within myself, while providing financial support for the person I'm living with.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to limit myself to my experiences, instead of working on what I want to create in my life, and taking action.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear taking action, because I fear that something had is going to happen.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear feeling fear of a situation and my circumstances. Within this I see and realize that I'm the one creating my circumstances and feelings.

When and as I see myself believing that I know everything, I stop, and breath, and I walk here as directive principle by remaining stable in breath and activity, as well as in my actions for what is best for what is here/for everyone.

I commit myself to start working on the directive principles for what's here, by taking, and giving as well, the act of getting a job, and not just meditating in bullshit with myself.

I commit myself to get a part time job, and build up from there for making money, and learning how to communicate with others, without punishing myself in the process of what I'm figuring out as to what's best in directive principle.

I commit myself to brea through my experiences, and work on feeling aware and happy for myself that I'm taking the initiative for taking 100% self responsibility.

I see and realize that believing that something had is going to happen, is purely based off of not being willing to give up my behaviors and experiences that aren't best for myself, and therefor not best for others as well.

I commit myself to do what I know I must do, to change this world into a place that's best for all, by focus on what's best.

Day 24 - judging myself and trying to hold back my behaviors/expressions

So here's this tendency I have where I will try to suppress my expressions in fear of other people seeing them. I have this automatic fear of something had happening to me, and therefor express myself in this limited state.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to limit my expressions and behaviors, because I fear something had happening to me.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to hold back from expressing myself to other people, and within this separating myself from people, out of this fear, and therefor I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself in my expressions, to face myself around others, yet not be all spontaneous and go on overdrive with my expressions.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to therefor fear others expressing themselves, because I want o control others to express themselves to my level, and therefor I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to judge others expressions, and then react to others expressions, and then either isolate myself, or give others a hard time about their expressions.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself myself to limit myself in expression, because I fear what others will think of me, as crazy, or fear them seeing my points.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to suppress my expressions with self medicating, and therefor, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to limit myself with medications, and therefor create a limited expression around others.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not take self responsibility for myself, and therefor see and realize that I've depended on medications to suppress my reality.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear my thoughts, and behaviors, and therefor fear being expressive with myself.

When and as I see myself holding back my expressions, I stop, and breath, and track back to what I'm focused on in responsibilities, and then to as well talk to people, and those around me, to expose myself, and take practical responsibility with forgiving myself on these points.

I commit myself to study desteni material, n line with what I have to face.

Day 23 - just get it over with

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to have this "just get it over with" attitude about something I want to do and get done. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not practically enjoy what I do, such as self forgiveness. Within this, I forge myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to define "enjoy", as a good feeling.

I commit myself to redefine enjoy, and to work through any reactions I have to the word "boring", and therefor work up the word enjoy, and redefine it as something else.

Enjoy is the Floyd.

Enjoy is the fun.

Enjoy is the boy who had one/won.

So why do I enjoy only when I've won.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to define "enjoy", as having to win something sometime in the fire for what I enjoy, instead of practically being physically expressive here in the moment, enjoying things I'm working on, or theme together with other people, or playing an instrument or game.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not work n things that require physical effort, because I've defined myself and other things as boring/bad, instead of something I can dig into a bit more and actually enjoy.

So what does it mean to enjoy with digging in with physical effort - why do I lack the will power?

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not work through resistance, toactually benefit   what's best for others, and therefor myself included when working on something, or playing, or hanging out with other people. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to define work as a burden, instead of an expression of myself in the here moment of work, along with playing, and hanging out with other people.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as to doing something, as "unable to", and therefor already predetermine what m doing as something I "just want to get it over with".

Get over with is the sith of the mind, lol the positivity is still blind, why not just express and accept what is here, yet changing myself for the year, and the next to come for everyone equal.

 I commit myself to practice breathing, and looking at doing something that initially I'm uncomfortable with, and just take that one step of going at it with confidence and true fulfillment n the moment of doing something -working, playing, or leisure time, or hanging out with other people.

Here I am, as breath - b - r - earth. Here I am as physical expression as breath. Make music and dance to the breath, to the sounds of birds, and to the innocence of a child.

Thank you :)

Day 22 - fear asking others for something

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear asking others for something.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear asking others for something because I fear having reactions, or appearing intimidating to others.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to be self absorbed in my expressions, because I fear that others are going to react to me badly in my perception of what's 'bad'.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to try to intimidate others with my expression, because I want something then and there, and fear being told no.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear being told no, because I fear experiencing negativity when I hear the word 'no'.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to become upset and angry when others express themselves, and so I observe my expression to prevent there expression, and therefor create this idea that everyone has to have a specific expression that pleases my mind, my ego as everyone expressing themselves in this particular way the compromises with my limited expression.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to expect others to treat me a certain way, because I want others to have a limited expression, to match with my limited expression. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself, to limit my expression, and therefor expect others expressions to be limited out of pleasing my idea of myself.

When and as I see myself expecting others expressions to be limited to mine, I stop, and breath, and continue paying attention solely on the topic, or what The question is, and work with others expressions as a practical point of support to see what my natural expression is.

Day 21 - I am here

I am here as life.

I am here as breath. I am here equal to others.

I am here as one and the other brother.

I am always here as breath.

The ego is what creates unnecessary death.

My false beliefs creates death.

My second sense is the sense of breath, and not as the mind.

I want to rewind time because it unfolds the mind as the lime abeam through time in automatic crimes.

I am here as one with response that my ability is to create a fondle of my breath.

I require the responsibility needed to be fully here as breath, and not of necessary death.

I forgive myself that I've allowed death, with unnecessary mess.

Please load here as breath, to assist and support each step.

My breath nt with the system, but with life as all.

My life isn't the end, and neither is resperdol . (Trying to learn Spanish)

My time here isn't of the fucked up lime beer that simmers and sheers my teeth away n the years as unnecessary thought.

I am here as breath and not as a thot.

Fuck my mind and fuck the mess.

I am here as necessary breath.

Fuck yes to the step of each breath and what I express.

The time to take is here to follow my breath as each point and each step that is educated guess.

Hypothesis is bullshit to breath.

I'm a male and not an insect.

I am here as support and not as fuvked up step. (Didn't mean to misspell, but it works.