I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live through my partner, under the intentions of wanting 'love' and affection from her.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to only want love and affection, out of the idea that I am going to somehow 'lose her', which losing her, being losing the old relationship in which I participated in as self interest, and abuse towards my partner.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to dwell on how things used to be, because I have allowed myself to hold onto the control, the manipulation, the deception, in which I've used to want to keep my partner under my belt, and therefor, creating the abuse, and the only intention, on pleasing myself, to see another suffer for the sake of 'love'.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to only want what's best for my self interest as a male ego, with having a woman that thinks I'm superior to other males, and therefor, within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to only want my partner, out of the intent that she will make me feel like I am worthy, and therefor, wanting the love and affection from her, as a tool of use.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abuse my partner, to try and control and manipulate her, and then when she feels abused after I abused her, then turn around and try to tell her that "you're ok, don't worry, I won't do it again". Within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use my partner as a toy, and as something that is less than myself, because I have allowed myself to make myself less of an expression, and therefor fear facing myself in my limitations of expression, and then go abusing my partner to keep her AT&T he same level of limitation which I've accepted and allowed myself to exist and experience myself as.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to therefor use love, as an actually very abusive word, through always saying and talking love, but never actually showing real love, which I've used to deceive myself, with the pretty words I say, in order to not allow myself to really see what real love/giving is, real care for another human being.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to play mind games with myself, through making up this huge imagination of why I deserve my partner, why I should 'have' her. Thus within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think of my partner as property, instead of living in expression equal to her, as letting room for expression and growth, instead of allowing the room of thoughts, and self deception to abuse my partner.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not take it completely serious, that the fact that we are still together, and that she is putting everything out there to give and give and give, and I've just been taking, and blaming, and using. Within this, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, that there's either going to be a change, to where I am responsible for how I treat my partner, or else I'm going to allow myself to use and use, until I only have abused her to such an extent, that she can't handle it anymore, and then to where it will have left her feeling betrayed, and feeling that she was used and abused.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see and realize, that I can no longer allow lack of anything, because as soon as I lack the willingness to be active in giving as I would like to receive, and in building and standing by equal life principles, that I will have allowed myself to do the same thing that I've done previously towards my partner, to where it only abuses her, and I'm left satisfied, when she is still there to take it.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself, to only give a fuck about how I feel, and to get so wrapped up in my own ego, that it's come to a point where my expression, is simply nothin but self interest, and abuse towards others.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see and realize, that my value of having been wanting to take care of my partner, has actually been only to feel good about myself, as worth, as someone people like, as someone that will not think I'm a burden, when really, I am completely waisting energy, on something that holds no value to anyone or my life, and actually shows people how worthless I'm really allowing myself to be, and become.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not let go of the fact, that I've really screwed up, and hurt other people, and that I can't do anything, but actually CHANGE myself, to be a better version for life, and to live as a living expression, and stop the participation in making excuses to not just care for life, and to let go of all the bullshit ideas, that I'm somehow valid, in how I feel, when really, it's all automatic and has no merit to actually what is right, and has no consideration to how I'm effecting others and making them feel, such as my partner.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not stop, the abuse, the self loathing, the bullshit playing with myself and other people, simply because, I am not allowing myself to give myself room to breath, and change, and start really focusing and facing myself with the tools I have, in which I've made so many excuses not to use, and apply to my everyday living, and with how I treat other people, and within this case, my partner.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not give up laziness, to not give up everything I've used to not change, to not move, to not give myself the opportunity to stop. And use my mind, in a physically equal manner, instead of a manner of only attaining something, that will completely sabotage and abuse my process, and will have an effect on others, such as my partner, to where, they see that all I'm doing is abusing and hurting them deliberately for my sake of satisfaction, and where eventually, they will be fed up of being used, and will have no choice but to stop supporting me, because I'm not willing to be supportive, but rather constantly abuse in what ever way I can.
Self corrective statements will continue in part 2.
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