I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that something is wrong with me, when around K, out of the relationship I have always experienced myself with K, within the idea that I'm somehow expressing myself incorrectly. Within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience this, because of how I perceive her as doing something wrong.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to therefor have initially judged K within my idea of her doing something "wrong, bad, inappropriate", and thus within this experience of inner conflict within myself towards her, I want to protect myself within the idea that "something's wrong with me".
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge her as her doing something "wrong, bad, inappropriate", due to the past relationship of having been in conflict with her, and to have created the idea within myself, that there's something wrong with me, simply due to the fact that I have an understanding that I experience conflict within myself towards her.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to therefor experience conflict towards her when I hear her express herself in a way of being "mean". Within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself, to thus see her expressing herself in what I've always percieved as "mean", and then trying to protect myself within the idea that "I'm better than her, she's mean and I'm nice"
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to therefor lose myself within this projection, within trying to protect myself under the definition of "nice".
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to therefor fear being around K, because I see that I have this lie within myself on how I've related myself to K, to where I see that I am trying to protect myself as "nice", within the relationship to her being "mean".
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think K is "mean" when I see her expressing aggression. Within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define aggression as "mean, wrong, inappropriate" within the experience of this being negative.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to thus defend myself as "nice" in order to defend the experience I get when I see K expressing aggression, as a way of feeling better about myself when around her.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to therefor place all of my focus on K, as being aggressive, and thus having the expectation that she is going to continue being aggressive. Thus, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to try and control how K is expressing herself, out of the fear of her being aggressive. Within this, I forgive myself for no accepting and allowing myself, to see and realize that I am in fact trying to only control how she expresses herself, because I fear within myself that I will react In aggression towards her, and so seeing this, I think something is wrong with me, because I have used self sabotage within my expression towards her, in order to prevent conflict with her.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react within all of this, by going in the back of my mind, to try and protect all of the ideas of myself, and all of my mind relationships, within the understanding that my relationship to these things, have been created within in relationship towards K, which thus seeing that there's inner conflict within myself already, that I have gone into the pattern of protecting these relationships, because I have always tried to protect the idea of myself within relationship to K, and seeing that it becomes more obvious when I see her expressing herself in a specific way.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to therefor become paranoid of what I'm doing, or if something bad is going to happen, while around K.
When and as I see myself within the idea and experience of "something is wrong with me", I stop, and breath, and I redirect myself within seeing that I am practically here, doing what I have to do, and then from this point, direct myself through the point of self responsibility, and find that moment to investigate what I think is wrong within myself.
When and as I see myself going through the experience that I'm doing something wrong around K, I stop, I breath, and I track back to the point where I had percieved her as doing something wrong.
I see and realize that when I think something is wrong with me, it is simply me trying to protect myself in relationship to K as the point of wanting to be better than her, within the context of doing something "right".
Will continue in part 2.
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